Thanks to a contact that he has at the university, BD and I have been lucky enough to purchase faculty/staff season tickets for Carolina basketball for the last several years. There is usually a rotating set of people we see on a regular basis that have either half or full season tickets in the vicinity of our seats.
I've taken the liberty to affectionately nickname some of the regulars...
The BlackBerries: I'm not really sure why these two even come to the games. They never show up until right before half-time. She proceeds to constantly check email/send text messages/update her calendar on her BlackBerry while he looks around aimlessly and stifles a yawn.
The Back Seat Coach: This guy really really wants to be Roy Williams. He calls out what he thinks should be the next play, directs the players to their positions on the court, and loves to shout things like "box out. box OUT! BOX OUT!!" over and over and over. I made the mistake of looking over my shoulder at him once. He had that creepy bulging forehead vein thing going on so I've never looked again.
The Statistician: Friend of the Back Seat Coach. Apparently he knows every imaginable physical stat of each player (including the opposing team!) and wants everyone around to know he knows. "Tyler Zeller has a 7'4" wingspan." I am so, so tempted to actually look up some of this information and call him out on it because I highly suspect that he just makes it up as he goes. But then I'd have to nickname myself.
The Back Seat Ref: This guy points out every.single.solitary. foul (real or imagined) that he sees and practically has an apoplectic fit when the ref doesn't call each one. "That was a CARRY. He CARRIED that ball! How did the ref not see that? Is he blind? How could he miss that oh-so-obvious CARRY. OMG. Who is this guy? And there's a HAND CHECK right there. I guess he didn't see that either. OMG. Why do we even have refs at this game??" And on and on and on. Do you know how many things are against the rules in basketball?? I don't either, but seriously, Back Seat Ref... if they called every tiny foul every time the games would last longer than the 2+ hours they already are! No one cares that he carried the ball! Move on with your life!
The Rednecks: These two are my favorite. They are hilarious and good natured. They say a lot of cuss words during the course of a game which I normally find inappropriate at events where kids are around. But it comes out sounding like "well, gawd day-um" or "sheee-ut" so I'm pretty sure no one even realizes what they're saying.
The Chatty Cathys: Surprisingly this is two men who chat during the entire game and never about basketball. As a matter of fact...they talk about everything but basketball. A few of the discussions I've overheard include their favorite Napa Valley wineries, a road trip through the mid-West, and the latest app downloaded for the iPhone. When they recently started a debate over the merits of the Chicago Manual of Style I thought I was going to come unglued.